dear karen

videosu zaten vurmuştu. arkada çalan nothingman. tekrar tekrar izliyorum bugünlerde. mektup aşağıda. bazen hiç birşey dile gelmiyor, dil düğümleniyor, dişler barikat kuruyor, bazen dilin düğümü çözülüp barikatı aşıyor. dile geliyorsun. dile getiriyorsun. aslında dili getiriyorsun. bazen de bunların hiçbirisi olmuyor. susuyorsun. dişler ağır basıyor. bembeyaz. hem onlar 32 tane. dil 1 tane. o zaman dili, dişi, damağı bir kenara bırakıp parmaklara sığınıyorsun, o sıcak parmaklara, yazıyorsun.

Dear Karen,

If you're reading this, it means I actually worked up the courage to mail it so good for me. You don’t know me very well, but if you get me started I tend to go on and on about how hard the writing is for me. This is the hardest thing I ever had to write. There no easy way to say this so I’ll just say it, I met someone. It was an accident, I wasn’t looking for it, I wasn’t one the make it was a perfect storm. She said one thing and I said another and the next thing I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life in the middle of that conversation. Now there this feeling in my gut that she might be the one. She completely nuts in a way that makes me smile highly neurotic, a great deal of maintenance acquired. She is you Karen, that’s the good news. The bad news is that I don't know how to be with you right now, and that scares the shit out of me. Because if I am not with you right now I have this feeling we will get lost out there. It’s a big bad world full or twist and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment. The moment that could of changed everything. I don’t know what’s going on with us and I can’t tell you should waste a leap of faith on the likes of me. But damn you smell good, like home and you make excellent coffee that has to count for something. Call me!

Unfaithfully yours,