What Your Facial Hair Really Says About You

Your facial hair (or lack thereof) can say a lot about you, but sometimes there's a difference between what you think you're saying with it, and what it's actually telling people.

The Full Beard


What You Think It Says About You: I have written, or am currently writing three to four novels and or screenplays. I think deeply about things, and sometimes I'll just sit and read, because I like reading. Yeah, that's something I do. Is your unkempt hipster vagina moist yet? Plus, despite what my emo-swoop haircut may suggest, I'm comfortable with my masculinity.

What It Really Says About You: a)I never got laid in high school, and used to get the shit kicked out of me, then suddenly realized that if I grew a beard, it hid my nerdy face, b)I've gotten so much poontang in my life that I'm literally TIRED of banging chicks. Now in an effort to see how ridiculous I can make myself and still get laid, I'm growing this. or c)Don't open a package I might send to you, and stay the F off my lawn.

Good For: Lumberjacks, the Unemployed/Homeless, Pyschos, Hipsters

Sentence Heard From This Person: "You should listen to this NPR podcast I downloaded."

Who Sports It: